Days Like This

When it's not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this 

If I had to pick a theme song for the Christmas holidays of 2024, this would be it, hands down.  It was, despite everything I'd thought since my diagnosis in August, the BEST family Christmas that I can remember.  Shawn and I went out to buy our tree early, having learned the lesson last year that those who hesitate might need to buy an artificial tree!  Our tree has been up since December 6 and it's still up...I'm trying to hold on to all the feelings that this past holiday season brought - joy, love, happiness, acceptance, optimism, peace and gratefulness.  

I have come a long way from the early days of my diagnosis when it was hard to imagine experiencing most of those feelings again.  It was so great to have my kids home for a few weeks and, for the frist time in years, neither of them was working over the holidays.  They got to enjoy some much needed rest and relaxation, good food, games nights, and time with family and friends.  Seeing both of them so content in their lives reassured me that they are both exactly where they need to be.  As much as I miss them when they are not at home, it makes me cherish the times that we are together, under one roof, all that much more. 

A week ago, we turned the page on 2024 and started a new year - for our family, it was all together for the first time in MANY years.  Shawn and I attended the NYE bash at the Navan Curling Club where Faith was hired as a bartender and Owen was hired as a DJ.  From start to finish, the entire event was amazing and even though I didn't get to bed until 3am, it was the perfect wrap up to the holidays, where I experienced all the emotions above - joy, love, happiness, acceptance, optimism, peace and gratefulness - plus prosecco and great music!  

On January 2, the "real world" came back into the holiday bubble that we had created.  Faith left to go back to supply-teaching in Sudbury and Ava (Owen's amazing girl friend who had stayed with us during the holidays) returned to her family in New Brunswick.  Owen left to go back to Kingston, where he started his last semester of his undergrad degree, on January 4.  And, on January 3, I had my radiation planning session. Cancer re-entered my daily life...

The radiation planning session consisted of a series of CT scans.  I was a bit nervous about the CT scans, mainly because I had thought they were enclosed and that I'd feel clausterphobic.  The machine I was in was shaped like a huge donut and the table, with me on it, slid through the middle of it.  After getting into position, with my arms above my head, the techs did a few scans with me breathing normally.  Then, they did one with me holding my breath for 30ish seconds.  It is preferable, for radiation taking place on the left side, to be able to do it with a full, held breath, to minimize any potential damage to the heart and lungs.  Things that used to worry me a lot, like learning that radiation which is supposed to help me, could also damage my heart and lungs, are getting easier to absorb and handle.  

After the CTs, while still laying on the table, I got 5 little tattoos to mark the spots for the radiation sessions.  Having already gotten my first tattoo in November, I was prepared for it, though the sting of the first one, in my breast bone, was still a shock!  These tattoos will serve as a permanent reminder, along with the 10cm scar from my lumpectomy, of this time in my life.  

Radiation starts on Friday, January 17 and will go for 15 straight work days.  Shawn will take me to my first one and I'll set up a schedule of volunteers to take me to the rest, once I have the rest of the schedule.  Many thanks to those of you who have raised your hand for that duty!  Speaking of radiation, Faith will have her long-awaited consult about radiation on January 14.  She also has an endocrinologist who is very on-the-ball and, in one appointment, increased her medication, ordered an ultrasound, listened and understood her concerns.  It was the first time in a long time, in the health system, that she felt that way. 

As much as 2024 had some impossibly difficult times for me and Faith, there were also some incredible highs.  I hope to continue to be joyful and grateful, strong and resilient in the weeks and months ahead.  I am continuing to challenge myself and change for the better - mentally and physically - and will do my best to hold onto all the feelings of the Christmas season and embrace whatever 2025 throws at me.  At long last, the pieces are all coming together...

When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit it
Then I must remember there'll be days like this 

(Days like this, Van Morrison)