Lean on me

Sometimes in our lives

We all have pain, we all have sorrow

 But, if we are wise

We know that there's always tomorrow  

This is a BIG week and I'm struggling to stay in the moment and not worry about "tomorrow"  with what's up this week:

• Tuesday - appointment with nuclear medicine where I"ll get a little (?, please, please let this be a a little) injection of blue dye, right into my boob, which will let my surgeon know which lymph nodes are important for the tumour.  Those will be removed during the surgery for analysis.  The side effect of this, for me, is that it will turn my skin and body fluids blue.  With a long blonde wig and a white tennis dress,  I'm imagining that I could be Smurfette!  My imagination might be a bit out of control on this one. Kidding aside, I am really not looking forward to another injection in what has become a really bruised and battered location on my body.
• Wednesday - surgery day - this one is obvious, though strangely I am looking forward to this, just to have this part of the process behind me.  I'll arrive at 11 in Renfrew and I'm told we will be home around 6 or 630.  I know that Shawn is hoping to get some funny videos of me while I'm high so stay tuned for that! 
• Thursday - Faith will have more info on her pathology results via a phone call with her surgeon. We are hoping to learn more about the timing of next steps.  
• And, of course, there's a not-inconsequential-and-still-too-close-to-call election happening in the US on Tuesday.

So, how am I coping? Depends on when and who you ask. I am doing all the things that I'm "supposed" to be doing - eating well, getting fresh air and exercise every day, spending time in nature, gratitude journaling and meditating (well, that's on my to-do list, but I haven't quite got there yet), reading, talking to friends, making plans for the future, etc.  But in the back of my mind, at ALL times, I am preoccupied with all the appointments happening this week.   Or more specifically, what the appointments will reveal.

In the meantime, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other, and sometimes, that takes all the energy that I have.  I can't always tell you what I need, how you can help, what you can do.  Just know that I'm learning to reach out, to ask for help when I can, to be specific about what I need, to let people in, because as the song says 

For no one can fill

Those of your needs

that you won't let show.  

For now, just keep me in your thoughts, send positive vibes and text messages, funny memes and stupid jokes, and book and netflix recommendations.  And if anyone has experience with meditation, I'd like a coles notes version of that (which, I know, defeats the purpose, but I still have a lot on my to-do list because I am still a type A, first-born!).