One Day at a Time

This one is not a song reference, but rather a TV show reference. And not the 2017 remake that lasted only 3 seasons which I had no idea was even done because, quite frankly, in 2017, I was busy advancing my career, being a hockey trainer/manager/mom, helping my kids get their resumes written and distributed, and worrying about them starting to drive!  The "One Day at a Time" that I am referencing here is the original, 1975-1984 series that starred Valerie Bertinelli.  I only vaguely remember watching some of the later episodes of this show. I imagine that, when it debuted, if my mom had had cable at the time, she might have watched it on our old floor-model TV, after my sister and I were tucked away in our shared bedroom in an apartment in Bayshore.  She might have enjoyed the sit-com about a single mom and her 2 strong-willed daughters without any extended family around for support.  I imagine that, while she must have preferred watching British comedies, that an American sit-com would have made her laugh and maybe given her some reassurance that the daily struggles would be worth it in the long-term.  

This is the "One Day at a Time" that I am referencing.  And trying to take to heart, right now, the lesson implied in the title.  The last 2 days have not been great...either physically or emotionally, and the two are so linked.  I have to remind myself that recovery isn't linear, that not every day is better than the last, that sometimes the pain, be it physical or emotional, returns, and that I need to take this One. Day. At. A. Time.  

It's hard. I'm a go-getter, driven, first-born so waiting for something doesn't come naturally. I'm impatient to be "better", to be able to do the things I used to do - like reach for my conditioner on the top shelf of the shower without wincing in pain, work-out and go to curling, paint my front door and refinish a wooden dresser, not be overwhelmed by being in a crowd and seeing everyone else be able to just be in the moment not worrying about whether the delay in radiation (for me or Faith, take your pick) is going to have serious health outcomes.  

Last night was a rough sleep and I got up at 4am, in pain, and made my way to the couch.  I don't think it's anything "serious" like an infection, just my body healing itself and repairing nerve and soft-tissue damage.  But damn, it is painful - icy, hot, zinging, piercing pain.  Usually fleeting but definitely did not seem short-lasting in the wee hours of the night.  Today, it feels better and so I remind myself that my surgery was only 13 days ago.  That I really need to embrace the "one day at a time" mentality.  That I need to slow down in order to recover and move on to the next steps.  

In the meantime, from the comfort of my home, I'll give meditation another try (re-read the part about not being patient to imagine me trying to slow my mind down!), continue to read through the stack of books that I've been gifted, catch up on Netflix, struggle to not push myself too hard with the daily gentle stretching and physio exercises,  and just try to take this part of my cancer trek one day at a time.