Up
Yesterday was my surgery day and the day before was my blue day...I'm happy to say that both were better, easier and, so far, more tolerated than I'd expected.
Up, up, up Can only go up from here Up, up, up Where the clouds gonna clear Up, up There's no way but up from here
(Shania Twain, Up - because who doesn't love a little Shania!)
First the blue day - that was the day I had radioactive blue dye injected directly into my boob in order for another fancy machine to be able to highlight the sentinel lymph nodes to get removed during surgery. I was happy to learn, in the moments before the injection, that the blue dye was mixed with lidocaine...oh, sweet relief...so I only felt the bee-sting of the initial injection and not the burning pain that I'd expected from the dye going in. Then I went into a gamma-xray'ish kind of machine for imaging. I can tell you that I had my eyes closed the entire time and just focussed on my box breathing so I didn't see anything, especially after the tech asked if I was clausterphobic!
I was told it might dye my skin and the colour of my body fluids...but it didn't. So, of course, I worried. Was it not enough? Would it impact the surgery? Would I need it again? Clearly, I need to continue to try to meditate to deal with my worries...luckily, the next day, as soon as my surgeon came in to see me in the pre-op room, I told her that I hadn't seen any blue after the dye and she said, "don't worry, I'm going to give you more in the surgery - you won't feel a thing, since you'll already be asleep, but we will find the nodes we need". Music to my ears!
The pre-op went well - all the usual activities happened, and surprisingly my blood pressure wasn't crazy high (even though I've had HBP for over a decade and was advised not to take my BP pill as usual, the morning of surgery). I was rolled into surgery, having met individually with my surgeon, anesthesiologist and nurse. And, of course,the last thing I remember was taking deep breaths of oxygen and then the burning feeling of knock-out drugs entering my IV. Next thing, I woke up in recovery, or on the way to recovery and I either said out loud or had a dream that I told one of my nurses that she looked like my friend Janice K, I'm pretty sure I told her that - but again, I was high and groggy, and after I really came to, I didn't see anyone that looked like Janice!
In recovery, my pain was about 3 or 4/10, there but not unbearable. My surgeon came by early on and confirmed that all gone well. Even though I was still groggy and tired, I was able to ask her if I had a drain (this was the one thing I had a fear of, due to witnessing Faith have hers removed - that will require some time, distance and processing to get past). The good news, it just kept coming, was that I didn't require a drain and, I only had one incision since my amazing surgeon was able to get at the sentinel nodes in my armpit via the same incision as the tumour. This is not always the case, but I was lucky in the location of my tumour!
So, after some time for me to get the stronger meds out of my system, Shawn drove me home from the Renfrew hospital. This was a great place to be for surgery - the entire space was calm, clean, and everyone who came to see me was professional, kind and compassionate. I could not have asked for a better care team or experience, away from the constant construction and chaos of the Ottawa Hospital. So, while I wasn't grateful initially to have the surgery be book an hour and 15 minutes from home, the entire experience was very positive (and, the parking gates were broken yesterday so FREE PARKING!).
Last night, in my own bed and jammies, I rested and slept, being woken every 3 hours for alternative Tylenol and Aleve/Ibuprofen. Same combo of meds that controlled my pain post-c-sections. I was doubtful it would be enough, and I have something stronger if needed today, when I've heard it could be worse. But for now, I stay positive, hopeful and focussed on my surgical recovery. I know I'm in the middle of the journey, having one big step behind me and who-knows-how-many in front, but I'm feeling good.
Live right nowYeah, just be yourself
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)
For someone else
It just takes some time
Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything'll be just fine
Glad to hear you on the other side!
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