I'll be there for you

As a Gen X'er, you don't need an introduction to this song, as it was the theme song for what was likely a "Must-See TV" foundation of your university years or early 20s.  I remember watching this with roommates and friends or at Alfie's pub, while I was at Queen's.  I have so many good memories of this show and love that it's reached another generation as well.  A group of friends, finding their way, supporting each other through life's ups and downs, with most issues, neatly and humourously resolved within a 23 minute episode, or rarely a 2-part, season-ending cliff-hanger.  

Of course, real life isn't like that.  The big issues aren't resolved quickly.  After my last post, I was feeling so good. That quickly turned and I had a couple of bad nights.  I made the mistake of taking a liquid advil or aleve without a full glass of water and then lying down to get back to sleep.  Recovering from surgery is a balance - needing good sleep to recover and needing to be up every 3 hours to take an alternating over-the-counter medication to control pain and swelling.  Well, on that teeter-totter, balancing act, I failed miserably.  I had the worst pain and heartburn in my esophagus and probably only slept 90 minutes that night.  For more than 24 hours, due to what I now know is "pill esophagitis", I could barely eat, sleep or even just rest comfortably.  And the worst part was that I'd done it to myself - not on purpose, of course, but it was a real low point. 

It's like you're always stuck in second gear

When it hasn't been your day, your week

Your month, or even your year

While I wasn't sleeping, my brain was spinning and the past 24 hours really gave me a lot of time to think.  I've had many people reach out and say "let me know if you need anything".  I've received that a lot and, while I appreciate the sentiment behind it, it hasn't prompted me into action.  I know that when the tables have been turned, I've probably said this to many of you, when you've been going through tough times.  I now know that this well-intentioned sentiment puts the onus on the person in pain, struggling, suffering and, who is, quite frankly, not themself, to identify precisely what they need, and be able to articulate it to the right person at the right time.  It's a lot.  So if you reached out to me with that message and I didn't respond just know that I appreciate the effort but it has been hard to identify what I've needed.  

Here's what I know right now:  for me, the key is to just reach out, be un-demanding, even if it's just to say "I'm sorry you're going through this", and  "I'm thinking of you".  Even if you haven't heard from me.  Even if I haven't responded.  And if you're really feeling up to it, suggest a time to do something - coffee, tea, lunch, a walk (at a ridiculously slow pace right now because gravity HURTS).  If you watched a show or read a book that you think I'd like, let me know.  If something funny happened to you, or you want to update me on your life, just do it.  Please don't wait for me to ask.  I'm figuring out what to do with so much down-time as I take a forced-pause on my "regular" life and so I'd really appreciate being kept in the know on yours. 

And finally, I just want to express some gratitude, for the meals dropped off or ordered, for the flowers and books and gifts.  For the wine (even though I can't drink now while on max doses of tylenol and advil).  And most importantly for your friendship and support.  If you're reading this, know that while there's lots that I don't believe in or am skeptical about, I do believe in the idea of karma.  So at some point, you know that,

I'll be there for you

('Cause you're there for me too)